Learning to breathe

Learning to breathe, deeply and fully, after 3+ decades is more difficult than I had expected. I’ve spent so many years believing I was just a naturally shallow breather. But recently, in therapy, it all came together as I was trying to learn to quiet my mind by doing a deep breathing exercise. As my therapist instructed me to put my hand on my stomach and feel it expand as the breath entered my diaphragm, I began to cry from a place of fear and pain deep within me.

I realized I have been so afraid to breathe deeply and fully because doing so meant expanding outward, and I have spent a lifetime trying to take up as little physical (and emotional) space as possible, shrinking myself to the point that I felt like I was constantly at risk of overflowing, all so that my body didn’t appear any bigger than absolutely necessary.

Now I am realizing in so many facets of my life that it IS necessary to grow, to get bigger. To expand the space I take up physically and emotionally and sexually is necessary to live fully. So I am working on my breath.

Thumbnail photo by Victor Garcia on Unsplash