I am the Universe

The words and wisdom of cosmologist Carl Sagan have had a profound impact on my life, so much that I have “small moves,” a line from his book, Contact, and the movie based on it, tattooed beside a bright star on my foot.

On this day—what would have been Carl Sagan’s 86th birthday—I continue to ponder something that is inspired by his words in Cosmos: A Personal Journey, a program that first aired in 1980, the same year I was born.

“The Cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself.”

I claim no religion. My deepest, truest belief is that I am the Universe experiencing itself in human form.

I have, for the past year and especially the past six months, been practicing this visualization:

The Universe is experiencing itself, in billions of different ways, via billions of different human experiences, RIGHT IN THIS MOMENT. And the Universe is likely experiencing itself via an infinite number of other forms of life in an infinite number of ways that I cannot even begin to imagine.

The Universe is, in this very moment, getting to experience itself in joy, in heartbreak, in laughter, in violence, in oppression, in triumph, in death, in birth. I am part of that. How immensely and exquisitely and excruciatingly powerful is that?

My human work right now is to do all I can to honor the humanity of others, especially those whose humanity is being ignored, disregarded, and at worst, extinguished due to all the handed-down feelings and beliefs that really just boil down to fear of the very thing that makes life so extraordinary: the vast and beautiful differences in our singular human experiences.

My human work is to be curious and ask:

What if I could look out for the Universe’s experience in another human? Without attaching any meaning or hierarchy to it? What if THAT is what we are to one another? To borrow Ram Dass’ perspective: What if we are simply the Universe walking itself home?

In this very moment, the Universe is getting to experience itself in me, as I feel less valuable than I was three years ago because I’m struggling to find traction in work that looks remarkably different from the capitalistic, patriarchal hustle for worth that I was doing then. It is getting to experience itself in my partner. In each of my dear friends and chosen family. Multiply that by billions. It is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I can imagine with a human brain and a Universal soul.

As I continue to explore this visualization, I have had so many beautiful moments. Recently, I was sitting with my partner on the couch and was experiencing a rising frustration from a feeling that I was attaching to his behavior based on what I felt it was reflecting about me.

I allowed the feeling. And I sat with it. And I found myself getting curious. A question settled in the stillness:

What is the Universe experiencing in human form through his existence in this moment?

And it soothed me. Eased the frustration. Because HIS experience isn’t about ME.

What can I surrender in this knowing?

What can I recognize about my own experience in the attachment of my value to the experience of others?

I feel more infinite and more finite than I ever have before. I am in awe of the Universe in me. That is my #BeInAwe moment forEVER.

Thumbnail illustration by the author using an Unsplash photo.