Cutting ties

I have been going through a period in my life where several long-term relationships that have always felt crucial to me and my wellbeing are changing. In some cases, I am making the decision to back away from relationships that have become detrimental or even toxic. In other cases, I am recognizing the need to stop begging for or performing in some way to earn someone's time, attention, or presence in my life.

The common thread is that I have been creating more time and space to look inward and challenge the story I've always told myself about myself and my worth. And as a result, I'm realizing that to protect my mental and emotional wellbeing, some of these long-standing relationships must change or come to an end. I'm trying to navigate this with love and empathy and compassion for them, and with grace and care for myself, and a belief that my worth has nothing to do with someone's ability to see value in my presence in their life.

It is not easy. I'm in pain at the thought of losing these people. And what's more, I am teetering on that line between knowing this is what I need to do and feeling terrible because it's my choice to change or end these relationships and be without them. I am working hard to remember that my goodness as a person is not contingent upon maintaining or upholding relationships even when they may be doing me harm.

My strong connections to the people I love are a fundamental part of who I am, of how I define myself. I'm in tears, in part because this is one of many self-defining things that have changed in the past year. And it's unsettling to wonder if I ever really knew myself at all. But what might be even more daunting: realizing that I knew who I was, but that's no longer who I am.

Thumbnail photo by Angèle Kamp on Unsplash